"Maybe, I don't know. Are they fresh?"
"Threaded right next door, no question."
"They any good on pizza?"
"Like I'd ask if they weren't."
"Ok, uh how do I know if I'd like eyebrows on my pizza?"
"Well, do you drive a modern sedan?"
"When I don't have to haul anything big, yes."
"Does it look like it wants to crawl into a hole?"
"Quite often, yes."
"Good! Holes are the only parking spots we have left. Hard to back out of but worth trying."
"Why?"
"If you can back a car out of hole, you can eat threaded eyebrows and get a coupon."
"I'll call next door and get back to you."
**********************
"Hello, Eyebrow Threading, how can I help you?"
"Are eyebrows any good on pizza?"
"Depends on when you were born and if you were ever in an identical twins contest."
"In the 1950s when I was about 8. We would've won if my older brother had stood further back and looked smaller."
"Please hold while I connect you with our customer service number... All our representatives are busy right now but your call is important to us. Stay on the line for our useless questionnaire or press pound# for our next available agent ...this call may be monitored for quality control. Hello? This is Blaze (Blasse?Vlasz? Who?), how can I be of service?"
"Hello, I have a question. I mean I had a question but my mind wandered during the hold-time on your answering system. I've been thrown off by all the personal history your policy demands. "
"Oh yes, poor consumer, it can be trying --powerful stuff, history."
"Indeed, one day the world is fine. Next day, it knocks you for a loop!"
"It's a matter of the heart, sir. The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."
"Wait, I recognize that. Its from Blaise Pascal. Blaise, Blaise, is it really you?"
"Alas, I am discovered in history between pizza and threaded eyebrows. Flee! Escape now or be caught in mindless soul-killing muzak! I have other calls."
To hear this menu again, please press 4 now.
I have never pressed 4.