Best way to make a long distance call to the past is get an old telephone, like the Western Electric candlestick in the photo, and wire it into something that exploits quantum coherence --a rare Antarctic Albino Pumpkin will do. As we established in a previous post, cats also work but get annoyed with leads and soldering and won't stay put. Then you place your call:
"Hello Poppy! It's Geo. What are you doing in Antarctica?"
"I'm not doing anything there. I'm in Iceland."
"Close enough. How are things?"
"Not too good. I got sent here to interview Skallagrim, son of Kveldulf Bjalfason, historical berserker of the 9th century who figures in the Icelandic sagas as a werewolf. We walked and talked about his dad. Skallagrim just seemed like a nice young, prematurely balding farmer, then the full moon came up. I'm really glad you called."
"Kveldulf is Old Norse for "evening wolf" so you thought..."
"I thought he was a wolfman, but he wasn't. He was just very troubled."
"His son, however..."
"Yes! Oh Geo., Skallagrim and I were talking and he was bald and then I thought he was getting asthma or growling and then I looked and he suddenly had this huge hairy head. He shook it at me!"
"So how's it going, Poppy?
"I'm running through the forest because he's chasing me!"
"Ok, slow down. He can't outrun you. He was not growling."
"That's right, I've researched him. That's why I'm using a pumpkin (have you any idea what land-lines charge for long-distance to the 9th century?). He's as asthmatic as I am. Just look around you. What's on the ground?"
"Pick one up."
"Big one, right?"
"Certainly not! Somebody could get hurt. Find a small one that hardly weighs anything. Has he caught up yet?"
"Uh huh. I'm scared, Geo.!"
"Poppy, calm down and follow my instructions carefully. First, give Skallagrim a few moments to catch his wind, then throw the stick back toward the farm."
"Ok, what next?"
"Oh wow! He's chasing it. He's bringing it back!"
"Great. Keep doing that 'til the moon goes down."
"Won't it aggravate his asthma?"
"No Poppy, in defiance of all philosophical parameters, the wolfman is only immortal for a few hours every 28 days."
"But immortality is forever. Doesn't that mean always? Moon's full just once a month."
"Beats me. All I know is, when I was a teenager, he deejayed a radio show in Chula Vista. Sounded asthmatic to me."
"Takes one to know one, I guess."
"Happy Halloween, Geo!"